2007-01-29T17:27:00.001-08:00

You are here: home > my Peru > Why don't I like touristy countries
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This section contains stories from Peru, a touristy country, where all the purpose is to play a theatre good enough to get more money from a tourist and make him feel happy until you are end of his sight... The stories are told from best (most disgusting) to less disgusting ones.

0. Lima fever 1.
We are in Lima, we just arrived by plane... Me and Senol, we had some amazing time in Iquitos together, and during our flight from there to Lima, I was reading my guidebook all the time. He was taking a nap... We arrive at Lima, as soon as we arrive, 5 taxi drivers jump on us, telling us crap about how all the other taxis are dangerous, and we need to take their taxi, they know the best, and we owe them 11$ already... Senol plays the good cop, I am the bad cop. While Senol makes friendly talk with them I ignore them all. I need to make a phone call and one taxi driver comes nearby and tries to put some coins in the machine for me in a friendly manner. I kindly refuse, knowing that it will end up him being friendly with me and trying to make me agree easier.. Originally senol is planning to leave that night, but the taxi drivers tell him that there is no bus leaving at that time for cuzco, so he decides to stay (remember this!!!!)
I leave Senol with the shouting crows (the taxi drivers), and head for the tourist information office across the airport... As soon as I talk with them, I learn that the regular price for the taxi is 8$. I will never pay any tourist price as much as I can.. When I return and tell them 8$ no more, they say, it is not the right price, we have blah blah price table.. And I say, so we are not interested, we will go and take a cab from outside.... They just make a lemon face and leave... Now we are out... As soon as we move out another bunch of blood suckers come in.. As soon as I say 8 they immediately say yes without even thinking, and the guys all have their badges, and are valid airport taxi drivers as well with radio communication etc.
Now our taxi driver starts talking, he is talking about this great place he can recommend us in Miraflores, a suburb of Lima... He tells how dangerous the Lima center is, and how secure this place is... I immediately say, the exact center of Lima is not that dangerous, if you go sideways, it may be a little dangerous. Something I know from my guidebook and also my guidebook recommends me to stay in Lima center if I have little time to see a lot of stuff. He immediately says, but there is more expensive.. A huge LIE. I definitely know that miraflores is much more expensive from my guidebook. I say no Miraflores is more expensive than Lima. Then listening that Senol has to leave early tomorrow, he immediately says but miraflores is much closer to Javier Prado station!!!! I immediately respond, but central Lima is closer to Quilca station, which is cheaper than Javier Prado, he says it is not that comfortable buses from there, and I say we only care about the price, he makes a lemon face, which we already are used to be seeing. During all those talks Senol is more and more confused, with his replies and my responses to him, asking me if he was right etc.. If it was up to Senol, we would have been following the driver to this other place. I don't blame him... He misses information, I read the guide book... After that he tells me that the hostel he recommends is only x per day, and I say the one we are going to is only y per day, which is half what we said.. He says we won't find any place there, and I say we will, which is an information from the previous bloodsucker taxi drivers just before we left out to airport to this new vampire...
He says he is a taxi driver, and he is only making those recommendations, purely because he wants to help us, and we choose whereever we want to go!!! (Basically he understands that we are free to choose what we want)!!!... I say that is good we agree!!!!.... And a long silence, after that he shows the card of the stupid hostel he has in his hands and says, "BACKPACKER"!!!! It is the first time somebody is recommending me a hostel because it is a backpacker hostel, as if there were other type of hostels... Anyways, I just don't say anything to his stupid response, and he takes us to the place with the worst face i have seen in my life... Ass hole.... We are there and everything is fine, every single thing I have defended is true, and Senol is simply shocked to see how many lies a taxi driver can say...
The rule is simple, the moment he enters with you into the hotel, he gets his commission per day, which is larger than he can get from you by simple driving... And he is good reall goood in lying, which works for people less informed than me.... And we also learn at our new hostel that actually there was a bus after we arrived from here to Cuzco, so basically Senol stayed in Lima for an extra unnecessary night, just because the taxi drivers initially lied too and I didn't have information for that lie....
FUCK YOU ALL!!!!! REALLY....

1. Machu Picchu fever top....
I reserve my machu picchu trip via internet, as they recommend to reserve it earlier. I find this guy "David Choque" on the internet, who has some e-mail recommendations, I simply send e-mail to his previous customers, and most of them say me that he is great, he will do what others do better and cheaper etc. I reserve it and follow up with the guy for 4 months every month, and he is more reluctant...
When I get to cuzco, he just sets me up with another guide, he tells me "He speaks Quechua!!".. I just go with the guide, and he doesn't really know anything, every single person on this trail simply speaks quechua, Senor David Choque actually is simply redirecting me... The day I am paying he is on his suits waiting for me to pay 298$... I pay it and the day I am in inca trail, I learn that 9 other argentinian girls in our group only paid 110$ for each...!!!!!!"#$"#%"!... (I should be honest, they didn't have the return train and also they were students.. Which basically means that instead of a quality guide, I just got a crap guide and paid around 100$ extra)... My suggestion is::: Either go with a well know tour agency, which doesn't change its name, or just arrange your trip from cuzco for much cheaper with crappy guides....

2. Cuzco, final hit...
Just before leaving Cuzco, I don't want to walk to bus station which is like 8 blocks, so I reserve my bus ticket from the travel agency, what happens is that I end up paying 70 soles for a ticket which is 40 soles.. Last time of my life where I am using those agencies!!!!

3. Iquitos fever 1
I decide to go to a disco in Cuzco, I already know the price is 2-3 soles for the disco, I stop a moto-taxi driver, he tells me the price is 3 soles and I say, it is ok, this time I will not negotiate.. I leave for the place, the taxi driver immediately starts pulling the bicycle to the sides, asking other taxi drivers something, and acts as if there is something he was shocked of... And speaks with very fast spanish which he is sure that I will not understand... As soon as we get there, he tells me that the place was much further than he expected and it costs 5 soles to me, while we had agreed on 3 soles, I refuse to pay and we agree on 4 soles just because I didn't have 3 soles on me... Son of a bitch.. We return from the place with another taxi for 3 soles!!!!!!!
What would I do now? I would simply say, "if you give me 7 soles you are getting 10 soles, if you don't give me right now, I am not paying anything, I don't care what you say in spanish, I am not paying a single penny more than the agreed price!!!!"

4. Iquitos fever 2
We are on our way to Quista Cocha, which I am confused by some written tag on the information from the tourist office that says 3 soles... A mototaxi driver (son of a bitch) says, hola amigo, we know he is just an asshole, but I make mistake to reply hola... Immediately he asks where we want to go, and when we say quista cocha, he says it is 3 soles per person with a minibus, and he will take us there for 10 soles, we agree on 7... We get there, I see that we are just about to pay 9 soles for 3 soles /person entrance, I immediately notice that he is entering with us, I simply refuse him politely saying we don't need any guide, and we enter for 6 soles with Senol.
When we return, he is still there and he says that he will take us to our next place for 5 soles, and refuses to go down... I immediately find out that other taxi drivers will happily take us there for 4 soles and explain him that if he doesn't agree to 4 I am going with other drivers. He makes the famous lemon face, takes us there and doesn't wait this time.. This time we just find a bus from there for return, which ends up in the case of being 1 soles per person.. He was lying from the very start!!!!!!

5. Iquitos fever 3
I ask a mototaxi for a store, he tells me that it is 2 soles to get there, we agree on 1.5 and when we get there I learn that the place is closed and it was a very short distance.. I simply return the way on foot!!!!!

After all those iquitos fevers, although we know that it will only make a difference of 0.5US$, we go to the airport with Senol with our bags on a minibus, saving 0.25$ / person with our bags... Just simply because we are pissed and sweared that we are not paying anything more for these peruvian asshole mototaxis!!!!!!

6. Lima taxi driver strikes again
I just ask for plaza mayor to the taxi driver and he says some other plaza for 1.5 soles.. I ask again plaza mayor and he says again the other plaza and 1.5 soles.. I am pissed and I ask real angrily this time (I am tired of this bullshit of smiling when saying every single thing, they simply ignore what you say when you smile, and this gives them motivation) I want to go to plaza mayor and not the fucking plaza you are telling me!!! And he says oh there? 7 soles!!! Fuck you and really baad!!!! It is simply them trying to play with your spanish... I leave the place real angry...

7. Lima plaza 28 collectivo
Another asshole this time on the collectivo (minibus or dolmus in turkey). I ask for the plaza mayor and he says, yes we go for plaza 28.. I say, is this plaza 28 close to plaza mayor, he says yes 4-5 quadras... I sit in the collectivo, and open my map, and I ask him to show me plaza 28 in the map... Apparently it is not on the map and this means it is at least 20 blocks away from where I am going... I just feel like I have really used much less swear words than I needed in Peru!!!!

8. Lima fever final
One taxi driver takes me from one point to another for 9 soles, and I know that price is normal... On the return, one asshole stops in front of me and asks me where I want to go, and when I say where he says 20 soles!!!!! Fuck you I say, I came yesterday for 9 soles, he makes some stupid face and says on the way return it is different blah blah explains and leaves after seeing I am not interested at all... Soon after him I stop another taxi and he takes me back for 9 soles!!!!
ima taxi driver 9 soles, taxi driver 20 soles, taxi driver 9 soles...

So overall, the score is 6-3 winning in terms of getting ripped off... But especially thanks to Senor David Choque, I was ripped off much more in terms of the money...

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Why don´t I like touristy countries?